A little sleepy. But I found full lotus and my mind was more still. I had more of the feeling that I was not going anywhere, had nothing to do or become. I heard a voice within say, even though I might only come to this feeling for a few minutes at a time, it will help the rest of my moments that I had come to arrive at this frame of attention. I saw my attention itself become more sabai, more free and soft.

I was stressed out today, and took a jog around my neighborhood. I ran past a quiet place near some trees, and sat to meditate. No watch or clock, just sat down with the nature. I guided my own meditation out loud, which has been very helpful to get myself to relax. I imagined my body being completely empty, no organs, bones, muscles, and felt only that there was a gentle breeze flowing through the empty tube of my body. I felt clear and empty, light and calm. I told myself that if there are any thoughts that come up, or sensations, physical mental emotional, once I become aware that they have come up, imagine them to be a bubble floating before me. I notice how big the bubble is, and I hold it with the fingertips so gently, my awareness holds it so gently, the bubble stays in tact. And, after I hold it for a little while, I let it go, one finger tip at a time, so gently, it does not break the bubble. And gently, the bubble floats past. Any thoughts that come up for me after, I see the bubble, and allow my awareness to "gently touch" it.
I felt the breeze of awareness continue to flow through my empty body, and eventually asked myself to envision the skin of my body being that of a bubble, becoming thinner and thinner, until the air on the inside seemed nearly to touch the air on the outside. The bubble walls became so thin, I couldn't feel them anymore. And I asked myself to continue to hold anything in the most gently awareness. I sat there in stillness for 15 more minutes, and invited myself to come out of the experience slowly slowly, gently, opening my eyes only when I was ready.
In effect, I was "practicing" guiding meditation for others, something I think I would like to do! I reminded myself there is nothing to do with the thoughts or sensations that come and go, simply hold them in gentle awareness, and let them go gently and consciously. There is nothing to do, nowhere to go, nothing to do with our bodies, nothing to do with our minds. We just allow our mind to become gentle around anything that comes up.

Today I was verrrry sleepy, but time still went by peacefully. I was attentive to how sleepy I was, and how my mind was wandering so. I was physically comfortable and all, just wishing I had more time to meditate :)

I did a few things that deepened my experience very much. First, I focused on neutrality. I allowed myself to be and feel neutral amongst all sensations, thoughts, feelings. My face relaxed, my body relaxed but was still kept upright. My breathing was long exhales and short inhales.
After I became still, I remembered on retreat something I had worked on, on following my feeling rather than thoughts. I "tapped into" or as LP Somsak would say, "clicked on" my sabai feeling, and saw it there, as it had always been. I felt so still, and felt much peace come over and settle all the anxiety and confusion I have had the last two days.
I remained here, focusing on neutrality, and feeling sabai, until my inner guidance called me to find the "center" of my sabai feeling. After gently searching for it, and not finding it, I simply relaxed more. And sure enough, the center of my body lit up, on its own, saying, "here I am!". I allowed myself to just remain here in the room, feeling that center of sabai. And also had the sensation which was referenced during the retreat, of finding the center of the center of the center. I just allowed myself to remain neutral, holding all potential of good and bad, black and white, motion and stillness, space and stuff. I just remained.
And when the bell struck, by this time, my physical body had expanded immensely. I felt my whole body was empty, and wide as the grand canyon. My head was in the clouds, my feet were so far down there! I began envisioning guiding this meditation session now, and began vocally guiding it out loud, to myself, calming myself, allowing myself to further seal in the sabai feeling, and reminding myself I will take it with me wherever I go, as it was found internally. And it was noticed as though it was always there. And I felt so calm, coming out of the session.

So many thoughts today, and my mind just went from one to the next, without even completing a single thought. And yet, the time went by very fast. This is most interesting to me!
Of course, as the monks say, this is always a good sign.

Meditated in nature, with great stillness. I didn't go too "deep" as much as before, but found peace.

At times, feeling very bright. Seeing the image in my mind's eye of a fist sized clear delicate bubble, and by handling it gently with my mind, my mind softened, and my attention became gentle. My body and center felt very still, amidst thoughts at times. Remembering to ask myself each turn whether or not I am feeling sabai is a big help. I use the sabai feeling to guide my session, and guide my attention and even posture.

Grateful to have gotten some IPT in today, though wishing I had more time :) Another day where I don't know where my mind would have been if I did not make the time to sit down and meditate.

Meditated outside before work today, feeling very still, even with the ants crawling all around me. I "checked" my body, posture, and feelings and asked myself whether they were sabai. This helps me relax everything, and "remember" the sabai feeling in and out, very well.

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